Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Thoughts on goals

Some people really like goals.  They write them down, figure out what steps are necessary to meet the goal and then work very hard, assessing themselves along the way for progress.

My husband is like that.

I'm not really.  I like to have a general direction in which to strive, but I typically don't set hard and fast goals for myself.  One reason is that I'm likely to not meet them in the time I've set for myself--therefore, it can be assumed that I set unrealistic goals.

I do this with knitting all the time.  For instance, last night I was going to finish my "under the tree" socks and cast on my "possibly maybe" sock.  I wanted to have it ready for wearing to work today (even though I'm wearing a dress and wouldn't wear the socks with this particular dress, though I do that sometimes.)

More than anything I wanted to cast on the new project...I wanted to start working with my Cookie A yarn.  It's so beautiful and perfect for this time of year (I think everyone needs some color!).  And no matter what, every single pair of socks is a little bit of magic, so knitting a pattern that looks like magic with yarn that looks like magic...oh, it will just be the perfect thing all around.

But I couldn't.  Yesterday I was hungry all day...and I was a bit stressed and grouchy all day...I don't think it's related to the hunger, but I could be wrong.  Even so, I was hungry and grouchy so when I got home I also had a back ache and was tired.  I was snippy at David.  It couldn't be tolerated.

So, I sat down with my knitting, and then when it was evening snack time, I had that AND some chocolate and wine.

Then I started feeling better and more realistic about my expectations...and the silly goal I'd set myself to finish my sock.

After all, isn't knitting supposed to be fun?  Relaxing?  The thing I do to make myself feel better?  What's all this anxiety to get something finished RIGHT NOW when I have tomorrow, next week, next month...this weekend?  What was the rush?  Why the hurry and what is the expected return I'm going to get from it?  I found myself laughing that I was getting all in a rush to finish THIS sock, when all I want to do is cast on another.  How is the new sock really that different from this one?  Different pattern, sure.  Different color, definitely.  But really, it's a sock, and it's knitting and the thing that it'll give me isn't really any different than the thing that this current sock is giving me and there was no reason to stay up past my body's determined bedtime (9pm last night), get some rest and work on the bad attitude I had yesterday.

So, that's what I did.  I didn't meet that goal last night, but I'll finish the sock tonight AND start the new one.  And I'll be very happy about it this evening when I'm sitting and knitting and relaxing.

It's all good.


And you want to know what's even better?  I set a size goal for myself when I started losing weight last year (11 months ago...almost 1 full year, hard to believe).  I'd dreamed of being a size 10 for the longest time.  I graduated from high school in a size 14 and haven't been smaller than that since.  A size 10, to me, seemed like the "end all"...smaller than my body would probably get, but as in all goals I set for myself, I set one that I reasoned was too high, and was curious to see where I'd end up.

Well, here I am...comfortably in a size 10 dress.

I don't look like me, except I know that's me.  It's weird and wonderful and ridiculously exciting all at the same time.

I still haven't met my weight fact, I'm still about 40 pounds away from my weight goal.  I think I may have to abandon that one as I abandoned the goal of finishing the sock last night.  I continue (and WILL continue) to eat healthily, watch my portion, rein in my hunger.  If I continue to lose weight while doing so then that's great.  If I gain, I'll have to rethink how I'm eating and fix it...but I'm happy where I am and looking forward to seeing where I'll be this time next year.

Surpassing my goals, I guess!

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