That moment when you realize you've made a mistake

You know it...we've all done it...made a mistake and then said, "oops...I goofed."

Some of us do it more than others, some bigger than others, but we all goof because not one single one of us is perfect, not matter how hard we try.

Well...this is what I realized I'd been doing...

The hexagon on the top, the one with the yellow outer ring...well...it's how I was doing all my hexagons.  Crocheting away and not paying one little bit of attention that they didn't look quite right.

Until Thanksgiving night when I was at Jenn's house and was making a few of these puppies (from memory) and looked at them and thought "it's not quite right but I don't know why"...but I didn't do anything since the pattern was at home and I wasn't, so I crocheted a few more and then went home and crashed.

And pulled out the pattern the next day to check and I realized that I did indeed goof and needed to fix, so I started to do that and thought, "don't all the hexagons I've made look like this?"

And you know what? They did...The one on the bottom with the pinkish outer ring is correct.  See how much flatter it sits?  Hoe much more precise the corners look?

I'd say that I made about 75 of the hexagons in the wrong way.  And I'm fixing them because you know what?  They look so much better correct and it's worth the time.

I don't have the words

I knew this would happen...some days harder than others.  I knew I would feel sadness, remorse, guilt, hopelessness...

I knew I would cry.

But I figured there would be an identifiable reason for that.

And there isn't. It just is and I have no words to explain why.

Maybe one day I'll know, maybe one day I won't.  But I'm learning to just go ahead and let myself feel whatever it is I'm feeling and eventually I do feel better and can get back to whatever it was I was doing, which is remembering to take care of myself.

Hugs everybody.

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I started this cowl from some leftover yarn from hats that I made for my mom to give my brothers and nephew for Christmas.  I bought the red because it is my color these days.  it's almost done and I love it.

Yarn:  Mecha by Malabrigo in colors Luvia, Cereses, Paris Night.
Pattern:  Infinite Chevron adapted to work in the round from the Noro Magazine Issue 5

Holidays

Holidays are a special time for family and friends.  We get together, eat, drink and be merry.  We laugh and sing and wear silly clothes and hats.  We give each other things and marvel at how much we've accomplished in the past year and how much we plan to get done next year.

For me the holidays always start with my birthday.  In between that and the daughters' birthday I had Thanksgiving, David's birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, New Years and the daughters birthday...this was 6 weeks of revelry and wonderment.

I was honestly worried about how well I'd do on my birthday, this start of the merry making 6 weeks.  It was wonderful, honestly.  I got tons of well-wishes on Facebook, the blog, e-mails, phone calls, texts, work.  I went to dinner with a friend and she gave me yarn and root beer.

Really a great day.

I have a few more hurdles to get through over the next few weeks...tomorrow being one...Thanksgiving in my family was always a BIG AFFAIR.  My dad's side of the family would all get together--there would usually be close to or over 30 people.  We graduated to doing this party at mom's church to contain everyone.  We had a talent show.  We visited and loved each other and had such a wonderful day.

This year everyone has decided it's time to create their own Thanksgiving traditions inside their own immediate families.  So many special traditions about to be born.  Meanwhile we'll all be thinking of "those great big get-togethers we used to have."  It's bittersweet.

I'm working in the morning and then going to my friend's family's for dinner.  I plan to DVR the Aggie game so I can watch it when I get home.  It'll be a happy day because I choose for it to be so...

and after all the merriment, I hope to have time to finish these sunset towels because they're just so darn amazing!

On this, my birthday eve

I've been very reflective today.  Thinking about where I was last year and what I was doing for my birthday (Roanoke, VA, for David's conference...I bought the coat that has been keeping me warm the past couple of weeks) and how different things are this year.

It's times like birthdays and holidays where we have traditions and fond memories that make us nostalgic for the way things were, for the people who are gone from our lives, for the things we don't have/won't have again.

This year has been particularly hard.  I lost my dad, my uncle, my marriage.  My daughters moved away and while I haven't "lost" them it's different.

I suppose you could say I've also lost my home.

I totally switched my career path and moved across the country to see if I could make it reality.

And as I sit on the eve of my birthday and reflect on my past, this year in particular but the other years too, I know that I am beyond blessed to have had such a happy life, to have been privileged, educated, warm, comfortable and loved.

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I am dedicating the "new year" (which begins tomorrow) to the "new me".  I will be born on this 45th birthday of my life.  I will explore, expand, create and live.  I will be happy and strong and proud.

I will glory in the sunsets and sunrises when I get to see them.

I will love and be kind.

And I will never stop being grateful for all of you who have held me strong through this past year.  Those of you who have embraced me, encouraged me, and held me up when I felt like falling flat down.

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Glorious

In which the warp is sleyed

I'm so proud to share with you the sleyed "sunset in the mountains" warp.

Isn't she lovely?

Because every girl needs a winding station in her bedroom...

...yeah...it's probably not what you think.  But...I'll try to explain.

One thing I've learned to love about living on my own is that all spaces can be my creative space.  I can pile yarn all over my table if I want (I do want) and see it while I'm eating or checking email or in general just hanging about.

I can have my swift and ball winder attached to my bar if I want and keep it up there if I want (and I do want) because it's easiest to wind off yarn there and the lips on the cabinets are the right size.

And if I want and if I need because of space to put my warping wheel in my bedroom and use my dresser as a cutting station (and I do want and need) I can and I did and I honestly think it was a stroke of genius to do so.

And since my mom sent me a little money to help with setting things up here I was able to buy myself a real bedside table that will match my bed (and it'll arrive on Monday) so I can appropriate the little table that I've been using as my bedside table to put the warping wheel on so that it's at a better, more comfortable height for me and I can leave it there so I'm not always having to move it around when it's time to wind a warp--always at the ready if the inspiration strikes, so to speak :)

And the inspiration has been striking pretty hard lately!  I absolutely love how this warp turned out on the wheel...I cannot (CANNOT) wait to see how it'll be once it's on the loom...because OMG it's so much more than I imagined even at this point and that's just so awesome and wonderful!

Happy day...it was another beautiful sunrise today, and as I was winding on the greys and blues I realized I was painting the sky after the sun woke up.