I've started this blog entry over and over these past weeks. Ever since the election, I've really thought about the concept of hope...it was brought to me more poignantly in a conversation I had recently about leaving my employment:
A tiny digression to say that my leaving wasn't pleasant. The meeting that took place when I decided to go ahead an give notice was verbally abusive and demeaning. It was horrible in all the ways a professional conversation can be horrible...and it was the only time I have ever experienced such a thing AT WORK.
OK...so I'm processing this meeting and beating myself up because I can't really understand why I didn't see all of the warning signs...why didn't I go "oh, this is out my ex used to treat me...I should either stand up for myself or get out"...I don't know why I didn't do the things I needed to do to take care of myself.
And I said, "geez I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Am I really this blind that I didn't see."
The person who I was having this conversation with pointed out to me, very kindly, that I did indeed notice the warning flags, that I was worried about them, that I tried to do things to fix them. I wasn't being blind, I was being hopeful.
But hope...hope carries so much for such a little word.
Hope is why we create art.
Hope is why we love other people.
Hope is why we try to be better and do better than we were/did before.
Hope is (very often) why we get out of bed in the morning.
Hope gives each and every one of us purpose.
I don't want to forget that. I don't want to lose hope...I was close last month. When I left my job I really questioned everything that had happened to me over the past 2 years. Hope was why I packed everything I could fit in my car and drove 2500 miles across the county to redefine my life. Hope was why I tried so very hard to make that work situation be positive...for me and for the others I worked with.
But, in the end, there were other factors at play. Other reasons I needed to be "out west" (a place where I want to point out I was never ever moving to!). Other reasons why I had to shed almost every single thing from my previous life and become new.
Hope...it was there. In the love that I found. In the beauty that I found. And in the joy I've been able to capture.
Hope is what's fueling my art right now. My creations and my creativity.
And hope is what gives me the confidence to pick up once again, and do my best to be my best and have faith that it's all going to be right...
And a little eye candy for the day because what's a crafting blog without some crafting love?