Monday, October 26, 2015

One Year Ago; 4 Months Ago; Joy and Happiness

So, one year ago tomorrow I will have been "officially" divorced for 1 year.  While the date will always be in my head (dates do that...they stay there), I don't feel sad or regret or hurt or anything really.  Just another day with a slightly significant meaning.  A measuring point if you will.  Last year:

  • I was still very confused alone and scared
  • I hadn't faced the worst of my demons
  • I hadn't discovered, truly, what a wonderful person I am
  • I was getting by day by day (sometimes moment by moment)
  • I was just waking up to discover that I love life and that things are truly beautiful and wonderful.
This year:

  • I feel strong and capable
  • I feel very much a part of a group of people
  • I have found love again
  • I look forward to a future of joy and happiness.
I stop every now and then and think about the really big conversations that David and I had before we separated.  I kept pointing out that I didn't feel that we were embracing life, that we weren't happy.  That we didn't find joy in moments and didn't appreciate who we were individually as well as as a couple.

So the fact that I can see a future of joy and happiness, well, that's pretty wonderful and makes me so proud and content.  I appreciate who I am individually  I appreciate who Bill is individually.. I am learning to appreciate who Bill and I are as a couple (we're still very new together and that appreciation happens at funny times and's very special).

Tomorrow marks 4 months since we went on our first date.  That amazes me in so many ways.  I feel so complete in this relationship that I can hardly believe it's really only been 4 months--hasn't it been a lifetime?  And that makes me happy.  And then there's the moment of realizing that it's ONLY been 4 months and that means that there are so many more months to come.  And that makes me happy.

Joy and Happiness...those were the two things I wanted so much in my "past life."  I didn't realize they weren't attainable in those circumstances.  Too much was out of whack.  Too much had to be "righted" to make it happen.Too much had to change..

What I see in my current life is a level of stability I've never really experienced before.  I've worked very hard at naming my needs, of knowing what I want from life, and planning on how to get there. I'm very satisfied with my work.  I have a wonderful group of friends.  It's really amazing what I have accomplished this year.

Joy and Happiness are part of my life and will be.  It's as simple as that.  

1 comment:

  1. I don't think I've commented previously but just wanted to say your updates are missed, and hope everything is going great!