About 20 minutes after I wrote my post yesterday...

...this happened.  I was literally seeing red...and orange, and purple and pink and blue and it was the most amazing thing ever.

I want to point out that these pictures are taken with my phone camera, they are unfiltered...and they are pretty true to the actual colors that were going on.

It was stunning.

I was brought to tears again.

And I KNEW that it was a sign from my higher power telling me that it was good to be red, to be angry...because red, in all its shades, is gorgeous and inspiring and worth burning the pizza to gawk at for as long as it lasts.

Seeing Red

I'm journaling about anger.  I've never really let myself feel angry...not in a real, big sense.  I am kind of scared of being angry--bad things come from it in my experience, so I've learned to avoid it.

That isn't good...and it isn't healthy...and being angry can motivate me to do things that will encourage my recovery from the divorce.

Being angry can help me see what was wrong and what was right and what I need to do to be strong.

Being angry can help me stand up for myself and demand that I be taken seriously.

So, I'm letting myself be angry--and boy am I angry.  The shock is gone, the denial is gone, and I'm one righteously angry woman.

I want to wear red and knit with red and weave with red and color with red and make everything around me red...

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So, I'm running with it...red...it's always been my favorite color, but now, it's like a compulsion...a drive or a need...to see, touch, feel, DO SOMETHING red.

To help you understand just how red I think...this is a cowl I started when I went to Mississippi a couple of weeks ago.  It's in Tosh Vintage color Torchere.

And what a great word for the emblem of my feelings...burn bright baby!

Aaaah...rest...

I have had such a lovely day.  I've knitted, woven, snuggled with Pearl (mostly while knitting), listened to music, chatted with friends...overall relaxed and it's been pretty close to heaven.  The best part?  I get to do it again tomorrow.

Nothing profound today, just a picture of the finished Clue 1 from the Stephen West MKAL.

I've been "Seeing Red" lately--figuratively and literally--so decided to name this one that.

Profound Thoughts

Well...here I am...I've made it through working 5 days before traveling for 3 days to get divorced and then coming back home to work for 8 days...

I have tomorrow and Friday off.  I plan to sleep and knit and weave and crochet and play with the cats.  I have so many other things I NEED to do but they'll get done next week.  Tomorrow and Friday need to be about me.

I think I'll be good on the other side of it.

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I have all these amazing profound thoughts in my head but they can't get organized well enough to make sentences, so hopefully they'll stick around for later when they can be sentences and paragraphs and I can communicate them as profound thoughts.

They're about love and community and the healing powers of positive thinking.

They're about how when you relinquish the need to control how things work out they seem to work out in ways that bless you in so many different ways.

They're about how hearing from people at "just the right time" can make the difference between an ok day and an amazing day.

They're about how sometimes you just gotta play along and start another project even though you have 50 other projects in various states of completion.

They're about how learning to do new things at work makes the time fly.

They're about so many things.

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And today's picture is one of those things I started even though I have no "business" starting a new project...but I wanted to be part of the adventure of the new Stephen West Mystery Knit A Long and I decided that if I could find appropriate skeins in my stash that I would do it...and I did and here it is in its about 1/2 finished state of clue 1...I'm ALMOST ALMOST finished with clue 1 but I discovered a silly mistake I made early on (and it's going to stay because I'm not ripping out over half of the work I've done so far.)  It's a cool shawl, which shouldn't be surprising seeing that it's Stephen West...I'm having a great time working on it and can't wait for Clue 2 to come out on Friday!

Energy

I've been thinking a lot about energy lately.  Positive, negative...where the heck it comes from and where it goes.

I've always been told if you exercise you'll have more energy, but I've never found it to be so.  And yet, here I am walking miles and miles for work everyday and I have tons of energy when I get home to do things--like weave, go to dinner with friends, knit, create.

Go figure.

I also think that energy gives and takes.  Positive energy gives...the more positive energy you put out the more you have to give.  Like love, I guess.  Maybe that's why I have so much more energy each day after work.  There's just so much positive energy around me and it encourages me to expend more positive energy and then I have more positive energy to invest in doing other things.

It's pretty awesome.

Negative energy drags you down though.  It drags all people who are around it down whether they're the direct target of the negative energy or not.  It's hard not to dwell on the negative energy--where did it come from, why is it making me feel so bad, and how can I get it away from me.

Before long, negative energy feeds guilt, self-doubt and sadness.  It breeds more negative energy because it seems to suck all the positive out of the room.

It's a strong strong person who learns to deflect that negativity or to create positivity where there doesn't seem to be any.

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I've realized lately that I'm a strong person...and that's pretty damn positively awesome!

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I'm also a strong person who did the "typical divorcee" thing and cut my hair off.  I think it's sassy...definitely super easy AND I look really cute! :)

You can't really expect a zebra to change its stripes...

...can you?  But sometimes we think we can and we try and man, are we disappointed.

I just finished weaving a scarf using a Be Sweet Magic Ball that I bought years and years ago.  It's really pretty with grays, soft blues and a dynamite purple to jazz things up.  There are mohair boucles, brushed mohairs, some plain yarn, some yarn with things tied into it.

And I thought...this will be so pretty in the warp creating vertical stripes.  I KNOW I said I'd never use mohair in the warp again, but I'll separate it with this tencel yarn I have...that'll keep it from sticking together.

...just let me tell you that zebras don't change their stripes and mohair sticks to everything: itself, tencel, other yarns, the reed...

The scarf is finished and is resting now.  I'm hoping that as it rests it fills out the messy selveges a little...that and some water should do the trick, I HOPE...

...but then again...zebras and all that jazz.

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Today's picture is of my mountains with snow on them.  It's gotten cold in Reno but we didn't have snow in the city...the mountains sure are pretty though!

What are friends for anyway?

I hear that question often...when I thank someone for something nice they did or for a gesture or for a gift and they'll say "what are friends for?"

Friends have been such an important part of my healing from the separation and divorce.  From the shock of finding out that my life wasn't what I thought it was...

They've helped me understand the importance of love and support and not being judgmental.

They've helped me understand that it's ok not to be perfect.

They've helped me understand that when I need to ask for help they'll be there for me.

They've helped me to see the glories of laughter and finding the positive things in life.

They've helped me learn that I am indeed lovable and sweet and kind and that just because someone else changed his mind doesn't mean that I am not who I always thought I was.

And that last little bit...that's exactly what friends are for.  To just be there, love you, help you when you're down and show you the path when you get a little lost.

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What else are friends for?  Shamelessly promoting them when they've done something really awesome...like get their pattern nominated in the Craftsy Pattern Design Awards.  If you get a chance, go here and vote for my friend Allison who designs under the name Freckles and Purls.  It's an awesome scarf and she's an even awesomer person.