It happens every time

Sometimes when I'm down I think, "this is it, I'll never be able to be truly happy again" and then I wallow in self-pity and go on being miserable.

But, I force myself each night (and sometimes during the day if the down is really bad) to think of things that make me happy--please me, keep me going.

And I've been sad a lot lately--I have a lot to be sad about and sometimes it really is overwhelming.  The biggie is, of course, my dad's illness.  But, my girls are moving to Florida in a month, I'm not terribly happy at my work, I don't know what they'll have me doing at work come July (this is potentially good, potentially not, and therefore, VERY stressful), and David's been gone for almost 3 weeks.

As you know, though, the gratefulness and the forced thinking of happy things is necessary to remind me that things really aren't bad.  I'm focusing on the bad, but there are so many other things that are amazing and wonderful.

I've lost weight, I have wonderful kitties in my life, the sun has been shining for a week (or most of it), I can knit.  I rediscovered needlepoint and have had a GREAT time doing it.  I am no longer obsessed with eating food and can eat just to maintain health and well-being.  All of these, when I think about them, make me happy.  They keep me going and allow me to see the other good things in life.

Like that my daddy had a wonderful life and was able to retire in his early 50s and enjoy 20 years of retirement.  My mom is able to be home with him during his last days and keep and make him happy and comfortable.  They've been smart with their money and she will be able to live comfortably for the rest of her life.

I am also super-excited about my daughters' opportunity.  They are getting to move to take on their "dream job"...it's an awesome and wonderful opportunity for them.  I will miss them, but this is the right thing for them.  And that's terrific.

I also remind myself that through my blog and through reading the blogs of others, I've been able to develop friends...a different kind of friends than I've had in the past, but friends nonetheless.  It's wonderful reading about the antics of different people, their knitting, their families, their happiness and sadness.  I enjoy being able to write here and share things that are going on in my life, or in my head, or through my hands.

And once I"m able to get myself out of the sad feeling by remembering and focusing on the good feelings wonderful things start to happen.  Case in point:  2 times this week I have won yarn giveaways!  Ellen sent me some green yarn and Jimmy Beans Wool is sending me a sweater's worth of wool as one of their giveaways on FaceBook this week.

And a couple of weeks ago, when David was on his first trip, he met Mary and she gave him a giftie for me:  A Tiny Happy bag and a sweet little bunny to keep me company during all of this change and frustration and fear.  Thank you Mary.  You're very sweet.  And because I think of you when I think of Vesper Yarn, I'm keeping my Vesper projects in this Tiny Happy bag...at present the 3S Shawl which is growing by leaps and bounds!