The end of 2013

On this day where we both look forwards and backwards, I'm going to do my best to look forwards.  It's been a rough year.  First there was this:

And we got gallons of water in the house and had to move to an apartment for 3 months.

Then there was this:  Weight Loss

and a little over 9 months later we look like this:

My Daddy was diagnosed with two brain tumors in September, underwent radiation and surgery in October and is now on hospice.   I will treasure this photo forever:

I have two beautiful daughters (inside and out) and am profoundly proud of who they have become...and can't wait to see them on their life journey in 6 months.  I'll miss the devil out of them, but will be so excited to hear about the life they'll build for themselves.

 I have two of the sweetest and prettiest cats one can imagine:

I've knitted a whole bunch...and even started a new blanket to ease the travel time in the car.  Isn't it gorgeous.

Tonight David and I will go out and celebrate making it through all the tough times this year.  We will toast our weight-loss, the professional and crafting accomplishments we've made this year...

And we will ring in 2014 with a positive attitude.  I have decided to stash bust in 2014 (and following) as things have grown to embarrassing proportions.

My Treasures

When I returned to work yesterday, Amy asked what treasures I brought home from the quilt bee.  I immediately responded, "The bee itself was a treasure, the gift stuff was just gravy."

And that is so true.  I treasure every minute of time I spent with my family this weekend.  Besides having a crazy amount of fun, it was good for me to be around family.  I realized more than once that I haven't been able to properly grieve and remember Grandma because I'm living in a house where people don't remember her the way I do.  I think that's why I'm still so sad when I think about her being dead...I'll never get to make new memories to share with the people around me.  Sure I can talk to Alyssa and Elizabeth or my friends about her and how much fun it was staying with her when I was a little girl and all the cool things we did, but talking with someone else who can add "I remember that...and when I was a little girl we also did..."  And then we'll talk and laugh about her reactions to our silliness or something along those lines and it'll be all good and wonderful.

This trip to Texas was my first since her funeral.  I was shocked when we were driving out there to realize that. I got to the bee and felt how strongly she and her memory glues us together.  I thought several times about her asking Bonnie before she passed over that we not forget her.  Like we could.

While we couldn't call her every day during the bee and share our secrets as they got revealed, while we couldn't call her at the end of the bee and have her talk to the person who won (and that tore me up, I grieved Grandma then), we could celebrate her memory and call upon her spirit to look down upon us and hold us tight while we lived this "love story of our family," as Bonnie Blue called it. When Bonnie Blue said that I teared up because Grandma so enjoyed her "stories," as she called her soap operas, and she so enjoyed love stories and believed very strongly in the power of love. I felt she was somehow speaking through Bonnie Blue at that moment.

I have realized all along how special we are to have our quilt bee and spend time together as a family.  I realized what a true treasure it is during the quilt show as everyone was awed by our creativity and spirit of sharing that we have.

And we have Emma Lucille Thornton to thank for that.  She has always been at the bee in spirit...and she always will be.

My picture today is of the two items I most greatly treasure from the quilt bee.  The first is a book Betty wrote titled "If you give a girl some fabric" and the second is a painting of clothes on a line made with scraps from Grandma's stash.  (And I'm sorry that the picture is so dark.  My camera flash isn't working any more.)

7 days!

My phone buzzed a few minutes ago to alert me to the fact that there are only 7 days until the 20th Thornton Thimblers Quilt Bee!

I didn't need to be reminded.  It's just about all I can think about these days.  I can not wait to spend time with my family and revel in being so incredibly lucky to be part of one of the most amazing things I've ever heard about.  (and to hear people's expressions when I talk about it you'd think they think it's pretty darn special too!).

This year is going to be a little bittersweet, though.  And on my drive every day this week, I tear up, sometimes really cry, thinking about how Grandma isn't here anymore to be part of it.  While she only came to a couple of bees (and that was at the very end of the weekend or for a short visit, she never participated in all of the festivities and quilting), she truly truly enjoyed hearing all about it.  We'd call  her several times during the bee and always after the drawing.  She would have her "pick" of who was going to win.  And she was always happy about who won.  The winner would get to talk with her for a few minutes and enjoy being the star of the show.

So, while she wasn't actually there, she was there, and this year she can't be there and it is really hard for me to put my mind around how this can be so.

I've missed her so much this past year.  It will hit me at the weirdest times, and I'll be all teary and sad thinking about how she won't be able to see this or hear about that.  This week I read one of my blog entries from A Peek in  the Cupboard that I wrote shortly after she passed where I commented on the fact that everyone thought she was such a wonderful person. The reason I thought they thought that is because she made each and every person she met feel special.  She always touched and hugged and told you you were great.  She asked 100 questions about what you were doing and what you thought about it and how you liked it.  She would respond with "I swear" or "I'll be" or "Isn't that something" and you know she felt exactly as you did about the situation.  She knew and remembered your birthday.  She remembered things you talked about before, even if it was months or years ago, and asked about that again.  I remember one time being surprised that she'd remembered something I'd forgotten. Sometimes she got things wrong, like thinking David was President at USM...we couldn't convince her that we didn't tell her that, so we let it drop...:)

I know that this year we'll dedicate our special 20th anniversary to her.  I know that we'll think about her and talk about her quite a bit.  While we usually laugh until we cry, I have a feeling that this year we'll cry until we laugh reliving memories of what a wonderful person she was and how we are all better people for having her in our lives.

Today's picture is of our group picture last year.  We're a good-looking happy group.  I'm so proud to be part of this tradition and family.  I'll raise a glass to all of you tonight!

Community

Last night I had several friends over for a crafting night.  Some groups call themselves "Stitch and Bitch" but that never really fit our personality so we came up with a name that was more appropriate:  Crafty Vixens.  Crafty because we do all different crafts.  Some people knit, one also crochets.  I cross stitch and needlepoint.  I've also quilted as has another woman.  We bring snacks, though we're not big eaters, drink wine (and we've been known to put down a couple bottles of wine...), and talk and talk.  It's all really wonderful and social and such fun to see what everyone is doing.  The Vixens part of our name came from a particularly wonderful bottle of wine (sparkling shiraz) that we enjoyed by Fox Creek called Vixen.  I can't find it any more so I suppose they must not be producing it...which is a shame.

I worked on a secret project last night, so I won't show a picture of that today... :)

Most importantly about Crafty Vixens:  I was thinking about it on the way to work and how I would write about it on the blog this morning and I thought about how my Grandmother would have loved to have heard me tell her about each member of our group, what they're working on, what we ate, drank and talked about.  She'd want to know what we wore, and even if the cats hung out with us.  She'd like to know about what each person looks like, what they do during their "day job" and how I came to know them.  (Interestingly one of our group I met AT the group as she was invited by another person who no longer comes.)

And while I was thinking about how Grandma would have loved to hear about my Crafty Vixens, and that she would have loved our name, I got to missing her desperately.  I spent a good bit of my drive here crying and wondering how after six months I can still be hit with a blow to my chest that hurts so bad I can hardly breathe.

Today's picture is of a scarf that I made for Grandma.  It's solid black very fine chenille with little ridges of extra threads in random places.  Lovely.  I'm told that she really liked it.