I got this...

I woke up and checked my e-mail first thing this morning and had such a wonderful, sweet pep talk from my friend, Stacey.  Thanks Stacey.  You don't know how badly I needed it just then.

The theme of her e-mail was that I'm going to do great and if I don't, so what?  It's just me and the kitties and I pick up and move again and get myself to another place that might work out.

So, I know I've got this.  It's in the bag (or boxes depending on how you look at it!).  I'll be fine, I'll be happy and I'll be doing this for ME.

But, you know what?  I think it's going to work out and it's going to be positive and it's going to be wonderful.  I am in charge of my attitude, after all, and I can let negative thoughts overwhelm me or I can put them aside for more positive thoughts and do what I need to do to get settled into my new job and community.

And I will do that because I'm strong, and even though each little thing I have to do before I start this new job feels huge, I will just be that much stronger when I'm done and finished with it.  I'll reach deep, draw on the beauty that's within me and make it happen because I can.

Because...when I decided to jump off that platform and see what I could do in the textile industry...this job, this move...this was it...this is what I wanted but couldn't have because I was tied to Mississippi...and now that I'm not...well...who knows what I'm capable of.

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Imperfect Beauty is complete.  I've created art and I'm so proud of it.  It is for sale, so if you're interested e-mail me a lesliestbutler at gmail dot com and we'll talk price.  Eventually I'm going to open up an Etsy shop, but I've got to get moved first.

Crazy Pants

I think I may be going a little Crazy Pants these days...I mean...I did quit my job to be a textile artist and I have no idea how one goes about doing that...

I know I have a plan of figuring out how one goes about doing that after I get back from London...

But...

I only have 2.5 more days of working a "real" job and then...

???

My emotions in thinking about it are so excited and scared at the same time I'm hardly able to think about it.

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Must get the "real" work done so that when I do walk away I get to walk away and feel good about how I left things!

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Today's picture is of Alyssa's rug I'm working on.  I made a granny square for the middle, triangle borders to turn it on point, then put on an outside border in that light green.  Next is a final little trim border in the medium green.  Can't wait to see it finished. (but that'll be after I get back from London, I'm sure!)

It's the little things

People always say it's the little things that count, and I find that to be a fascinating concept...especially to someone who crafts.  It is the little things we do that add up--one stitch at a time, one little speck of yarn or strip of fabric, one minute we spend adds up to many minutes...and all those little things become glorious works of art that we can either enjoy or look at.

In a building sense, little things become big things.  Bricks for instance, look tiny next to a 2 story house, but that house is built out of bricks.

Life, too, is built up of little things.  Moments we share with people we love.  Imprinted memories we have.  Those special connections we make that sometimes seem incomprehensible...sometimes we don't even know that it's going to be the "thing" that sticks out for us.

In my mind's eye right now I'm trying to look at the positive things about my work and my choice to be brave and do the artist thing (that's what everyone is telling me, that I'm being brave...and considering how terrified I am, I'm getting it...being brave is really scary stuff!)...

BUT...

...and this is where it gets tricky because I don't want to be negative on my blog ever, but man...there have been a lot of little things here that have piled up to make me into one miserable person.  It was a major component of my decision to do the artist thing...(though really I don't think I had much choice in the matter...it was becoming increasingly evident to me what my path was: I just had to step on it).

I'm finding when I go home at night this week that I'm more excited about things that I've always been excited about until recently.  I want to read books. I want to play with the cats.  I want to stay up all night and create and play.  I'm cracking jokes, being silly, and encouraging people around me to play.  I even had a full conversation with myself yesterday morning.

I'm such a huge believer in play and how it helps us be more creative and energetic.  I totally think we need recess at work and exercises or games or something fun to do to distract our minds from the toil that it gets into.

...and I've been in the wrong environment.  Play is not appreciated nor respected in my office and I have become more and more unhappy as I've had to shut out that instinct in me to ENJOY myself in the things that I do--and to relax with a little silliness before getting back to the seriousness.

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In discussing all my professional life with David recently he's said over and over again that I'm really just not the personality that fits in well with an office environment where I'm expected to do the same thing everyday.

And I get it and I can't wait until I get into my studio environment and can play.

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I'm going to color by the way.  Make pictures with pencils and markers.  I'm excited.

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I started to crochet a shawl from lace weight yarn.  I thought it would be nice to take to London next week.  It might--it's tiny and will hardly take any room in the suitcase--but it's definitely NOT something to do on the plan, so now I have to figure that out.  I'm thinking it'll probably be socks, but we shall see.

Here is the shawl...it's pretty...and it took me a few tries to get it right, but now it's easy peasy.  But I do want to say that doing 386 single crochet foundation chains is time consuming...

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Daddy's story:  Everyday when my dad got home from work he would go out and feed the cows.  I got to go with him when I was younger and it was always fun throwing the hay around for the cows to eat.  He would let me ride in the trailer sometimes and I think he hit every hole in the ground on purpose to hear me holler...he liked hearing us holler!

A platform 3 miles high...

...that's what I just stepped off of, or at least it feels like it.  I sure hope I can fly because if not...oh dear.

Anyway, I resigned from my professional position today because I want to work in the textile industry and make a go of being an artist.  It scares me to death but has become increasingly evident that I'm only going to be happy if I take this path and make the most of it.

Wish me luck!

Today's picture is of an eye glasses case I made this weekend.  It needed to be just a tad longer, but it'll do.  I'll probably be writing up the pattern soon after I make another couple and get things "perfected."  But what a great way to protect your glasses AND show off a cute button.

The past few days

Things have been a whirlwind this week.  My uncle passed away on Friday morning so we drove out to Texas for his Celebration of Life service.  It's been hard dealing with this death only 6 weeks after my father's.  I found today on my drive in to work that I'm rather emotional about everything.  It's going to be a difficult couple of months as I process all of this.  I certainly hope that nothing else happens because honestly I think I'm completely wrung out.

What did I do, you may ask, over these few days...well, lots actually.

I finished the basket and gave it to mom.  Pattern is here.

I also decided that it was time to finish Elizabeth's bath mat.

(this design is all my own, yarn is Lily's Sugar and Cream).

Then for the road, I knew I wanted something cheerful so I picked out this rainbow self-striping yarn from Twisted Fiber Arts.  Oh my...it's got cashmere in it and may be the softest sock yarn I've used.  LOVE.  Pattern is my favorite, Hermione's Everyday Socks.

(Don't you love the "rainbow" in front of the storm clouds?  We saw several rainbows on our drive out Monday morning...and not just on my knitting needles!)

And finally...yesterday when I was recuperating from 20 hours in the car in 2 days, I started putting some of my crochet squares together.  It was such fun and I was just cruising along and having a great time of it when I realized that I was really tired and should bathe and go to bed.  Really not fair how this sleep thing gets in the way.  I'm using a book of "99 Granny Squares" and my random mini skeins as well as the "magic ball" I'm making from my sock yarn scraps.  My blocks are all piled up and I'm picking out random squares to put together based on a random number generator.  I started with the horizontal bright yellow one in the bottom(ish) center and putting it together log-cabin style.  I have to add rows and borders and such to get everything to join up at the same size, but it's cool...more fun taking some of those Granny ideas and making them rows instead of rounds...interesting thought experiment.  I'm joining with a reddish brown Malabrigo Sock yarn which is divine.  It's SO fun putting these together and I love how it's turning out.   I gotta get to crocheting more squares...this afghan wants to be a big one, I think.

I'll have more daddy stories next week.  Right this very minute I have to report for academic advising (I'm the advisor, though I really wonder about the logic of that! ha!)

I'm Hooked

(haha, get the pun? it's bad I know, but it's there anyway!)

I am crocheting a basket!  Who knew you could crochet baskets?  I love baskets, and I love crochet and now I can combine the two.

Actually this is my first non-square project and I am having a great time.  In fact, I didn't want to go to sleep last night because I was just figuring out that trellis stitch pattern that you see on the side there.  FUN!

I'm going to give it to my mama to use to bring in her veggies from the garden.

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Daddy's story:   When he brushed his teeth every night he would walk around the house with his toothbrush in his mouth for what seemed like forever.  I always thought it was so very very funny.

And interestingly, he had pretty good teeth...

More and more grannies

Definitely obsessed.  I could hardly wait to get home from dinner with our friends last night to get back to work on my grannies...and then I stayed up until almost 11, which is way past my normal bedtime these days.  And when I woke up at 4 to go to the bathroom, I almost considered going ahead and getting up because I'd have all that extra granny time, but remembered that I have to drive to work AND sit here all day (and they kind of like me awake at work) so I went back to sleep and held myself off.

I'm working from Leisure Arts book 99 Granny Squares to Crochet.  If I love a pattern I'll make several until I'm bored and then put a heart next to it so I can come back to it later.  If I like one, I'll put a check by it.  If I didn't like it at all for whatever reason, I'll put an X by it.  I'm on square 7 today :)

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This morning when I went in to make sure all cats were out of my bedroom, I found this.

 I think sweet Pearl wants to make sure I don't leave her again.

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Daddy's Story:  Despite the fact that Daddy couldn't sing well, he did sing all the time.  I really think he loved listening to music, and the music got in his head because you could say something funny and he would pop out a few lines from a song.  The tone didn't always make sense but the rhythm did.  Two songs I remember him singing were "Trailers for sale or rent/ rooms to let...50 cents" and "Don't nobody love me but my mama" (Original BB lyrics are "mother" not "mama"...but he had that "not my mama" phrase down perfect.  The funny thing is I didn't know that the BB song was actually a song until I heard it traveling out to visit last year when we bought our BB Greatest Hits.  The cut on that album is a live version and the quality isn't great.  As David and I were talking, I heard "but my mother."  And I said, WAIT!  Then rewinded the song and listened to it.  How incredibly funny it was to me that day to realize that Daddy listened to the blues!

Granny Squares

I love the homey feel of the name "Granny Square"...and I LOVE that you can pretty much not mess up on a granny square.  As long as you're consistent and keep making the appropriate increases, pretty much anything goes.

And in my new-found interest (love, passion, obsession?) with crochet, I've gone a little wacky making granny squares.

David calls it my gypsy blanket because I'm using up my random bits of sock yarn in addition to the mini skeins I've sort of become obsessed with (can one be sort of obsessed?) and just letting the yarn run out, tying on the new color and starting...so the rounds are getting muddled and I really like the effect.

This is one of the squares I finished yesterday.

From the center:  Spring Hill cashmere sock (she's quit dying yarn which made me extremely sad), Lorna's Laces DK weight in color ? and Lorna's Laces Solemate in color ?  And I RAN OUT of the outside color just as I was tying off...which doesn't happen often...

Anyway, it's been fun working on these and I'll continue to do so as long as I'm interested.  I do find that I LOVE crocheting with sock-weight yarn....just like I love knitting with it.

And speaking of...I haven't worked on a sock in over a month. I'm feeling the pull again, which is nice.

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Daddy's Story:  Daddy wore these "green jeans" around the house most of my life.  They were some awful polyester stretchy kind of pants that were apparently the most comfortable things he ever owned...and they grew and shrunk with him magically as he gained and lost weight.  I know I saw him in them for the better part of 20 years.  They got "lost" in the move when he and mom moved out of the farm-house and into town. I don't think he ever had the love of the knit sweat pants or pajama pants that mom bought for him to replace those green jeans.

Major Life Events

I've been going through some pretty serious major life events lately.  Normally, with each one I would be excited (well the good ones, anyway), and dive in and appreciate it all to the fullest...but seriously...it's been a lot to put together in my mind all at once.

This weekend, Elizabeth graduated college.  Both of my girls are now college graduates and should be working on their master's degrees next semester (Alyssa started hers this semester).  Meanwhile in TWO days we are moving them to Orlando to begin the next awesome phase of their lives.

And it IS exciting, but what am I doing to cope?  Crocheting and Needlepointing until my hands and fingers and back and neck hurt!  It's like I get excited thinking about it and have to take that energy and make something with it.

So far I've crocheted a lot of bath cloths.  I LOVE using these little cloths instead of the store-bought kind.  So much cushionier and softer and better in so many ways.  Plus the bath cloths are an awesome opportunity to see how the yarn likes a certain stitch (or how I like a certain stitch) and whether I think it'll blow up well.  If I think it'll look good on a larger scale I'm making it as part of the bath mats I'm making for the girls' new apartment.  So far, I'm on the border of Elizabeth's first one and have ideas ruminating for Alyssa's first one, which I'll start once the border on Liz's is done...patience I tell my creative self...patience.

Highlights of the weekend:

Elizabeth in her finery with the rest of us hangers on:

Painting with a Twist as a family group:

And while not a highlight of the weekend, it was fun watching Pearl help me pay the bills:

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Daddy's Story:  I remember my daddy waking me up every single morning.  Now, I feel sorry for him that he had that duty...I have always been difficult to get moving in the morning and am cranky about it to boot.  I know that after a while Daddy decided it was safest to just turn on the light in my room and make noise, but that didn't work very well.  In his typical good humored way he would open the door, turn on the lights and start singing to me (he couldn't sing.  At. all...it was miserable).  He would sing, "Get out of that bed and wash your face and hands...toodaloodleloodaloo"  The tooda...was accompanied by turning the light switch on and off and on and off in "time" to the singing.

When I got my first iPhone, I looked for the appropriate sounding alarm to wake myself up to...that sounded similar enough to the tooda...I chose the "Trill" and titled the alarm "get out of that bed."  I wake up laughing about that now (still not easy to get out of bed) but at least I can see the humor in it all...when I was 16 not so much.

How'd you do that?

So, last night I crocheted this little bath cloth:

I think it's really cute and David likes that it puckers up a little and provides a good grip for a bath cloth.  We'll see if it is big enough when it's washed and dried...it looks a tad small to me, but these things do grow.

Anyway, I sent the pic to mom and she said, "how'd you do that?"  I told her I read the pattern and then made it up (what I got out of the pattern is that I was supposed to chain 5, create a ring, single crochet in the ring and then chain 7 off of the ring).  From there it was crocheting in the pink to create the body of the cloth...decreasing at the base and increasing at the tips of the flowers.  It really wasn't hard and I totally made it up once I did the first round.

And if I can figure out how to make it lay flatter then I'll definitely be blowing up this idea into a bath rug because that would be the cutest cutest thing in the world. (or placemats...)

Anyway, all of this is to say that crochet somehow makes intuitive sense to me.  I "learned" by watching Knit and Crochet Now! and Knitting Daily TV...so the process of the steps had been shown to me over and over (and yes, I watch them over and over and over)...but the act of creating items from crochet...it makes perfect sense.  Once I figured out where to start my first stitch on a row, I was cruising!

I'm testing different stitch patterns out on bath cloths...I'll have a bunch by the time this is over...and what I like I'm making into stripes for the girls' bath mats...Liz's now has two, and I think I'm going to alternate these two patterns with the different colors to create a really run and very textured bath mat.  What I love about doing these mats in the single strand of cotton is that they can be thrown directly into the washing machine easily...we will see how they hold up, but I think they'll be good.

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Daddy's story:  When I was younger my daddy had a "big old belly" and I used to tease him that he had a baby in that belly.  I would watch tv with him and prop my head on his belly while we watched.  That baby would "kick" and knock my head around and I would laugh and laugh.

Everything I Should Have Said

I don't know when I've reviewed an album on my blog...I know I haven't done it on this one, trying very hard to be focused on my crafting and all...I may have reviewed one or two on Peek, but that would have been years ago and my memory doesn't seem to be too good these days.

But I'm going to review an album today, throw in some pics of what I crocheted while listening to that album over and over and tell you a quick related story about my daddy.  How's that for a teaser.

Album:  Everything I Should Have Said by Radney Foster.

Amazing.  Simply 100% amazing.  I listened to it the first time through and kept sending David texts "yep, like this song." "love this one."  "oooh, look this one up."  Every single song on the album blew me away.  That happens so very rarely on an album...so of course, I listened to it again--4 times last night, once again this morning while getting ready.  I suspect I'll be listening to it a few times over the weekend as well.  It truly is wonderful.  Go to his web-site and buy everything you don't have by RF...he's a genius song-writer and has such a lovely voice.  His sense of humor and "lived-in" life feels true to me. I relate to his work as an artist (which I fancy myself from time to time), as a spouse, as a parent, as a person trying to see things get better in the world, as someone who questions what human beings are thinking when they do certain things...as someone who has screwed up royally and regretted it...and definitely as someone who has loved deeply and knows that's the most important thing.  Simply the most important thing ever.

My favorite song on the album (well, there are two) is the first one called "Whose Heart you Wreck (Ode to the Muse)"...and man is it awesome.  Lyrics here.  [my muse comes in just as I'm falling asleep at night, btw.  I'm desperate to trap her at some point in the day when it's more convenient, but isn't that the point of the song?]

My other favorite song on the album is "Unh Unh Unh"...what a playful wonderful love song.  Reminds me of  other Radney Foster songs, but with an up-tempo beat that you can't resist.

Unfortunately I don't have the album on my iPod, so won't be able to listen to it at work, but I am listening to all the Radney Foster songs in my playlist...can't wait to get this one on my iPod and memorize all the songs on it.

Love love love!

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Crochet:  I'm already designing in my head, tweaking patterns, and rethinking things.  I worked on one last night, pictured below that wasn't coming out right and I knew it but couldn't figure out what was wrong (the pattern, come to find out).

Isn't it a pretty little hexagon--row 3 finished and problem identified and new pattern executed.

 Hexagon finished.  A little "airier" than I want for a bath cloth but we'll try it out and see how it works.

First bath cloth finished.  Everyone says it looks like a candy necklace.

And finally, because I couldn't stop listening to Radney or put my crochet hook down, I started a purple granny square.  I worked on this some more this morning and I have to admit I'm really enjoying it...wondering if the finished result will be close to the same size as the three squares I've done previously...I'm seeing a totally random kind of blanket there...

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Daddy's Story:
My daddy was always one to talk to himself.  Not in the "I'm working on something and trying to concentrate" kind of way, but in the general having a conversation with himself. I do this too, so don't find anything strange about it (though I have learned that most people don't talk to themselves and I find this sad for them).  Most of the time I do it in my head (now) but as a child or when I'm alone, I'll talk out loud. I'm sure Daddy was the same way because I don't remembering hearing him talk to himself much when I got older.  However,  once when I asked my daddy who he was talking to he said, "Myself."  Then he paused and replied "It's the best conversation I've ever had!"

Exactly.

More thoughts on crochet

So, yesterday I spent most of the day toying around with my new skills...crochet skills that is.  I also went shopping and had lunch with a friend, so I did get out a bit too.

My thoughts on crochet:

• it's way faster than knitting
• you can make really cool flowers with crochet if you know what you're doing
• sometimes the end product looks a little funny, so knitting is definitely better (for things like socks for instance)
• sometimes crochet is better suited to a project than knitting.

Here is my progress to support the points (all but #2...haven't attempted flowers yet):

 This will become a bath cloth.  It's knit in simple single and double crochet along a row.  This skill was actually kind of difficult for me at first.  I kept getting more or fewer stitches per row, but I think I've finally figured it out.

Three granny squares completed in an evening and a half.  This is going to be a totally random kind of granny square blanket.  We shall see what we think of it when we're done.

And finally, a skein of yarn crocheted into a boa-type scarf...in an hour or so.  SO much easier than knitting...I gave up on it after trying to knit it because it was majorly slow and fussy and frustrating.  Put a crochet hook through those loops and loop back on the chain every now and again and you have a fun little scarf!  I have two more skeins to work on when I feel like it (I will admit that it was still kind of fiddly but SO much better than knitting).

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Daddy's Story:

When I was growing up my daddy called me Lester Suskanewski.  I hated it but he did it anyway.

Crochet

Today's post may shock you...don't read if stories about little kids being told they can't do something makes you angry, mad, sad, etc., and that's not an emotion you can handle.

When I was younger my mom crocheted.  She made these awesome footies with all these loops sticking out all over.  We each got a pair for Christmas.  My grandfather Thornton was all arave about them and actually got two pairs because he wore them out.  she would crochet them holding two strands of yarn together so we got fun colors in there too.

Us kids LOVED them the best because when you took off running you could skid all the way across the kitchen and it was amazing fun.  We had holes in our footies by spring but that was ok because we'd just throw on a pair of socks under them and keep wearing them.

My mom's mom was also a big crocheter.  She made all the grandbabies and great grandbabies (until mine were born) layette sets of amazing beauty and complexity.  She worked with tiny tiny threads and made doilies and Christmas ornaments.

And with two such important women crocheting around me, I was bound to pick up a hook and give it a try...so I did.  And I made bunches of granny squares (I still wonder what happened to them).  One day when I was at Grandma M's house I showed her my crochet and told her that I was going to be just like her when I grew up and she looked at my granny square and told me it was terrible. That she'd never seen anything so poorly done.  She pointed out where I'd messed up and showed me how I'd left some loop open and that it would unravel eventually.

She said I was a "hopeless crocheter" and would never be as good as she was.

I don't remember feeling sad or crying or anything.  I just remember looking at the granny square that I was so proud of 5 minutes earlier and seeing all the errors she pointed out.  It was wonky, mismatched and there were loops hanging out.  I didn't ask for help from her to fix it...she was so beyond me and she'd already shown me that I was terrible.

So I put down my crochet hook and never picked it up again.

Until yesterday.  And yesterday I made a very wonky looking washcltoh and this start to a granny square.  I'm hooked :)

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Daddy's story:  Well, this one is a bit about me, but it does show how funny he was.  At the funeral the preacher described my dad as the simplest of simple men.  And he really was.  He loved his few things and the rest he didn't bother with.  He wore blue jeans and t-shirts almost every day, had a routine, and was simply a genuine person.  He was therefore, the most difficult person in the world to buy gifts for.  As a teenager, I  saved my money for several months to get Christmas gifts for people and came upon the best one for Daddy.  It was an indoor/outdoor thermometer with barometer and a few other weather gadgets on it.  It was in a really pretty wooden case and had brass fittings on it.  Quite fancy.  (Daddy was also a major weather lover).

On that Christmas Daddy opened the box, looked at it, exclaimed over how neat it was and then put it next to the back door where he was going to put it up.  And it stayed there for a year.  At Christmas the next year I told mom I just didn't know what to get him and was tempted to get him the thermometer thing I'd gotten him the year before.  She said, "do it."  So I did.

Daddy's face upon opening his present a second time was priceless!

The indoor/outdoor thermometer was hanging up by the end of Christmas day!