Teeny Tiny Little Baby Steps

I have been struggling with all the emotions and crazy-ness that has been my life lately.  I think I'm even beyond the point of feeling stress any more.  Not quite numb, but I definitely don't feel stressed.  I think what I feel is that somehow things are beyond my control and stressing about it won't do one single little bitty bit of good.

It's freeing actually.  There are things that I CAN control, and focusing on those has allowed me to actually feel good despite all the circumstances around me.

The one thing that has me still stressed, but I felt ease up a bit this morning is Pearl.  Poor kitty is having a hard time overcoming her attack.  I don't know if she was still feeling physical pain from it, or if she's just genuinely frightened (and who can blame her) but she's been very very skittish and not wanting to play much or cuddle.  One of the reasons for her name is that she has such a big purr (thus the pun PUUURRRL), and the amount of purring has been very minimal and it has definitely not been loud and rip-roaring like usual.

And of all the things from this past week, this makes me the saddest.  I know (in my head) that she's a cat and has to do things in her own time.  But I know (in my heart) that she needs comforting and that she has always sought me for that comfort.  So I'm feeling incredibly anxious about helping her heal all the while knowing that she needs space, and for me not to feel anxious.  It's been very very difficult.

But, today, Pearl took some teeny tiny little baby steps towards getting herself back to normal.  She came and sat in my lap and purred for a few minutes.  She still flinched when I reached out to pet her, so I backed off, but she stayed there and purred and looked at me and said, "I'm working on it" in her kitty way.

And David just texted me a picture of her sitting in his lap with her happy face on, and it made me tear up.  She's such a sweet fun kitty and is truly special.  She is friendly to everyone who comes over.  I'm hoping that she can get back to her normal self eventually.

Today's picture is a close up of the scarf I'm weaving.  The pattern is a lace pattern that will look completely different once it's removed from the tension of the loom.  The fibers will relax and get all cozy in a different way and open up pretty holes and create a lovely pattern...that's the plan anyway.  Even if they don't, I think this is quite lovely and can't wait to feel the kitteny softness of this scarf against my neck.  I'm almost hoping for a continued chill so I can give it a wear next week after I've finished it.  (btw, you can click on the photo to see it close-up and get a real appreciation for the pattern).